Chapter Nine

Chapter 10

“Did you have fun?” Cara was already waiting for me when I got home. I smiled and nodded.

She smiled back at me.

“I’m quite glad! Now I can sleep easier at night, knowing that you are full!” her giggle made it quite clear that she was teasing, but I did take offence.

“Cara...you know I’d never hurt you...” my voice was soft, almost a whisper. Her expression fell.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just...at times I worry...”

“You worry about me attacking you? Yeah, thanks for the trust.” Cara was caught off guard, awkwardly trying to explain her statement.

“No, worry about YOU! Whether you are still okay... All you ever do is hang around me. You never make time for yourself.”

I sighed and sat down on the bed that is mine for the time being. She soon joined me.

“Cara, I don’t need time for myself. I don’t even have to hunt so often. I’m strong enough to get by for a week or so without feeding.”

“That’s not all that bothers me...”

She seemed slightly sad. I put my hand on her shoulder, trying to reassure her and get her to continue talking.

“What else bothers you, then?”

She was quiet for a while before speaking, and even as she spoke, she didn’t look me in the eyes.

“It feels as if I’m only in your way. As if I’m a nuisance...and I hate that.” Her reply shocked me. It was so unexpected. How can she possibly think that of herself?

“Cara, you are not a nuisance! Why on earth would you think you are?”

“Well, all you really do is hang out around me, adapting to my life. You don’t go out to have fun, you don’t really talk to others unless you have to...I just feel as if I’m keeping you from a life of your own.” Her reply almost sounded rehearsed.

“Cara, I’m basically dead. It’s impossible for me to really have much of a life.”

“No! That’s not true! You can go out and make friends and spend time with them and....” I interrupted her.

“...and then just watch them die, attending one funeral after the other, while I get to carry on alone?” another silence followed.

“But...what about your friend from the Circle? The one you told me about?” she was being quite persistent.

“Zayden?” I laughed. “He’s fun to hang out with, but I’ve already grown more attached to him than I have to. I will surely pay for it eventually.” My voice was softer now. Sullen. My earlier realisation didn’t do much to help my mood.

“Why do you say that?”

“He will die too- eventually.”

“You don’t really seem to be bothered by that thought...” once again, I took offence.

“Of course it bothers me! Sometimes it feels as if he’s the only person I can truly be myself around. I don’t have to hide the fact that I’m a vampire from him, because we work together. He understands my nature and what I’ve overcome. He knows about my past, my secrets, my fears....”

“Then why don’t you date him?” her question was so innocent, yet so shocking. She actually managed to silence me for a while. Few people have ever managed that.

“Why should I?” I finally asked.

“Well, you clearly care about him, and he obviously cares about you too, I just think it’s a waste to not at least try to be more than friends.”

My brain laughed at the thought.

“Haven’t you been listening? He’s a werewolf, I’m a vampire. We’re mortal enemies. It’s not exactly natural for us to even be friends, let alone lovers. Besides, like I said before, he will die, too.”

She stubbornly continued.

“Yes, he will die. But during the time that he is alive, you two could make each other very happy. The best relationships start off as friendships. You deserve love, Aralynne. He does too. I don’t see why you can’t be the one to give it to him.” The idea was completely crazy, but a part of me wished it was possible. I thought back on how safe I felt, wrapped in his arms. He won’t ever hurt me on purpose. Cara had a point- he deserved to be happy, but could he truly find happiness with me?

“Cara...as wonderful as that idea sounds....I can’t do that to him...He probably doesn’t care for me in that way.” I noticed the slight lump in my throat as I spoke those words.

As if planned, Cara handed me my phone.

“Call him. Ask him what he thinks. I’m sure you will be pleasantly surprised. The things we regret most in life are the things we didn’t do. I mean, what do you have to lose? Like I said, you both need love- it’ll be a pleasant change from the murder and mayhem you guys have to deal with all the time.”

I took the phone from her hand, and considered the possibilities.  If I called and told him what Cara said, and it turns out that he does want to be with me, we could be quite happy for the next hundred years or so. Yet if I call and he thinks I’m just being silly, I would be humiliated and it could make things quite uncomfortable on our future missions.

After a few moments, I made my choice. I slowly placed the cellphone on the bedside table.

Cara knew exactly what this small action meant.

“Why not?” she whined.

As response, I took her hand in mine and placed it over my chest.

“Feel that? No heartbeat. I might as well not have a heart. Cara, I am not meant to love. He deserves someone who is- someone better.”